I mentioned in an earlier post that I had gotten stuck in Anahata (the heart chakra) To move beyond this block, I had to search within for my heart’s desire. Today, I feel it is time to go deeper into that story.
Around 2012, recently divorced, I opened my yoga studio, in the Hunter Valley and taught kids’ karate.
One day, attempting a jump-up from kneeling, I failed. I jammed my big toe—and it stayed jammed for 14 years. Soon after that, my children stopped talking to me. My two boys lived with their father. I racked my brain for years wondering what I did wrong, eventually I realized, the answer was nothing.
Perhaps I had done too much; I had made them a farm with so many animals and beautiful gardens, cooked fresh food, built Lego castles, and even took my daughter to Paris. However, despite all that love, their father stole them from me. All I could do for a decade was send them kind thoughts every day.
The Vision and Release
I built myself a wonderful life through yoga and travel, always inspiring others to live their best lives. But recently, while meditating deeply on the heart chakra I discovered my heart’s desire. I saw a vision of my three children and me sharing a massive hug.
I came out of that meditation with an overwhelming sense of release, and then—my big toe cracked! The toe that had been stuck for 14 years could move again! It felt like a miracle. Bodies hold onto trauma, and consequently the pain of losing my children had been stored there in that joint.
Though my happiness isn’t dependant on fulfilling this desire, the admission that wishing my children would be all together in my life is my deepest desire, that honesty finally moved the stagnant, emotional energy.
The Power of Manipura
Last weekend was my youngest son’s 24th birthday. I came up with a scheme, using the willpower of Manipura to find a creative way through. I had a friend type an envelope so my ex-husband wouldn’t recognize my handwriting and throw it in the bin. I found the house number by “driving” along the road on Google Maps. Inside, I placed a bright card that played “It’s Your Birthday” by the Beatles—the music they grew up with.
My son got it. After ten years of silence, a big, deep voice said “hello” on the phone to thank me for the card. I couldn’t believe it. At that moment, I was sitting outside my lapidary club, where I have been learning to polish gemstones. It felt symbolic, as I have been putting so much energy into Manipura, the center of new beginnings and the “City of Jewels.”
Manipura is the fire that burns away the old to reveal the truth within. Old Shiva, smeared with ashes, symbolizes the four kashaya: anger, greed, ego, and deceit—the perfect description of the influence my children were under.
For my son to call after ten years feels like an energetic shift in the universe. I used the willpower of Manipura to find a creative way through, and I received its transformation. I turned a decade of rejection into a day of connection.
My son looks just like Ed Sheeran, who has been a “proxy son” for me, holding a space in my heart until my real son found his way back. The birthday card was a small gesture that held massive magic.
